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What is the Best Estate Plan to Keep Family from Killing Each Other?

estate planning with families

Families are not unusual; a fight over an inheritance leads to a prolonged legal battle. Even Elvis, the king of Rock and Roll, was unscathed by an estate controversy. The Ascent's recent article, "How to Create a Will That Keeps Your Family From Fighting," provides some tips on creating a will that keeps your family from fighting.

Creating an estate plan is not just about distributing your assets after you pass away; it's also about preserving family harmony. Family disputes over inheritances can lead to strained relationships, legal battles, and unnecessary stress during a difficult time. To ensure your loved ones remember you with fondness rather than conflict, follow these steps to create an estate plan that minimizes the chances of family infighting.

1. Start Early. The first step in creating an estate plan that fosters family unity is to start early. Don't wait until your health deteriorates or you're in a crunch. Procrastination can lead to hasty decisions and misunderstandings. Begin the process when you're in good health and have the time to consider your wishes carefully.

2. Open and Honest Communication. Our office always finds discussions with your family members essential to formulating an effective estate plan.   The foundation of a harmonious estate plan is open and honest communication with your family members. Sit down with them to discuss your intentions and the reasoning behind your decisions. Address any concerns and be prepared to listen to their perspectives. This transparency can prevent misunderstandings and resentment down the road. Make sure you have a discussion with your children about your estate plan. Have you discussed wanting to leave their inheritance in a trust? Do they understand how and when those assets will be distributed to them? Often, clients' children do not always agree with the parent's decision to create trust; however, when discussed, the parents and children can weigh the benefits and burdens of doing so, alleviating conflict.

3. Equalize Inheritances. If possible, consider equalizing inheritances among your heirs. Unequal distributions can often lead to jealousy and disputes. While there may be legitimate reasons for unequal distributions, explaining your reasoning is essential to avoid misconceptions.

3. Update Your Estate Plan Regularly. Life changes, and so should your estate plan. Major life events like marriages, divorces, the birth of children or grandchildren, deaths, and changes in financial or health circumstances should prompt you to revisit and update your plan as necessary. Keeping your plan current ensures that your wishes and your family's needs are adequately addressed. This will reduce the likelihood of disputes and problems.

4. Appoint a Competent Executor. Selecting the right executor for your estate is crucial. This person should be someone you trust and who can carry out your wishes impartially. Communicate your expectations clearly to them and guide how you'd like your estate handled.

5. Be Specific in Your Estate Documents. A vague or ambiguous will or trust can lead to disagreements among beneficiaries. Be specific about who gets what. Consider family meetings to specify the distribution of sentimental items and a review of your estate plan. Providing clear instructions minimizes confusion and potential conflicts.

6 . Consider the division of unique assets. Dividing up unique property can frequently result in fights. You may have sentimental items that multiple family members have expressed interest in, or maybe a piece of property has sentimental value to one family member over the others. You may want to speak to family members beforehand to see if any items are essential to them. It's crucial to be clear in your wishes and ensure everyone is on the same page. It would be best to use specific language in your will that outlines who gets what and under what conditions.

7. Consider Using Trusts. In some cases, using trusts can help prevent family infighting. Trusts can provide more control over the distribution of assets and allow you to establish conditions for receiving an inheritance, such as reaching a certain age or achieving specific milestones.

8. Address Family Dynamics. Understand the dynamics within your family. If you anticipate disputes, consider taking steps to mitigate them. This might involve involving a neutral third party, such as a mediator or attorney, to help resolve conflicts or providing a no-contest clause in your will, discouraging beneficiaries from challenging the document.

9. Preserving inheritance for blended families. Handling the division of assets in blended families can be a complex endeavor. Parents with children from previous marriages must exercise extra caution to safeguard the financial interests of their kids. Stepchildren can be disinherited upon the death of a parent, but separate wills and trusts for each spouse can offer added protection. You can also incorporate pre or post-nuptial agreements and the right of election waivers to protect children from previous marriages. The estate plan that protects the deceased spouse's children from being disinherited could also be created. This approach ensures that each spouse's assets are distributed according to their wishes and prevents the surviving spouse from making changes that exclude other family members from their estate plan. By adopting such measures, you can ensure a fair and secure distribution of assets within your blended family.


Creating an estate plan that minimizes the risk of family conflict requires thoughtful planning, honest communication, and the desire to create a fair outcome. Creating an estate plan involves more than just distributing your assets; it consists of considering the emotions and relationships of those involved. By starting early, including your loved ones in the planning process, and consulting with professionals, you can ensure that your legacy is harmonious rather than causing family strife.

Our firm has the expertise and knowledge to guide you through the legal procedures and best practices, helping to ensure that your estate is distributed fairly and your wishes are respected. Please don't wait until it's too late to create an estate plan considering all aspects of your legacy. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a harmonious estate plan.

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